1 week left to go! Oh. MY.God. (Consider yourself warned, my brain is jello right now so god only knows how this post is going to go…)
I woke up feeling strong, positive, and surprisingly calm this morning. I have been practicing my routine every day, I feel proud of how far i’ve come (even though I know I have areas I can improve) and I just want the big day to come so that I can show off my hard work ANDDDDD get a break after. My body needs a break from the gym, from the 2 a days, from the lack of sleep, from the constant go, go, go of prep and this final sprint is feeling so much easier knowing a donut and a few days off from the gym are my reward.
Not to mention, it will be nice to not need to pee every 14 minutes. My workouts today went great and other than not getting a nap, I think it was a rather successful day. Even took a trip to whole foods for a few post comp treats. I am in the home stretch now and when I finish my final workout Wednesday night I will be super excited and I have a feeling that’s when the nerves will kick in. For now I still feel fine, maybe prep brain has me numb to fear…
I posted on my instagram about how I was feeling today and I just want to quickly mention it again. There have been several–okay many–times during my prep that I got worked up looking at photos of other girls. How come I don’t have her abs, her back, her ass, her quatds, her this, her that…. With wanting what someone else has, comes the self doubt, the insecurity and over analyzing every part of yourself. It takes self confidence to take all your clothes off and stand up in a line up of other beautiful woman KNOWING you’re being judged.
It just sort of came to me this past week that of course I want to do well, this is a competition after all but regardless of my placing I have worked hard for this and not acknowledging my hard work is foolish. I have dieted, trained, and I may not look like the next girl and she may not look like me but our uniqueness is what makes us US. She may pose better than me, I may have a better butt, the next girl might have the total package who knows. Learn from your mistakes, and do better next time. There will always be someone better, so never stop improving and of course be your own biggest inspiration and motivation.
I do not want to come out of this competition feeling ugly, fat, and like a failure therefore I have to go into feeling like a winner. I have dealt with body image issues since my tween days and I am not about to let those come back into my life and ruin it, especially not when I am at my fittest. I am doing this to prove that I can, that I am strong enough, and that vegans belong on podiums but I also need to maintain my sanity. So, i’m going to strut around in my bikini and show the judges what I can do!
For any other newbies out there, you may win your comps, you my place in the top 5, or you might place dead last. neither placing makes you any more or less of a woman nor does it negate your hard work. Someone has to come last and if you know that you put in 100% of effort, it can only get better from here. Listen to the judges, make changes, and next time bring an even better you.
Not sure why i’m getting so deep in tonight’s post. Must be all the water. 😀
Good night xo.