3 Days Out…and some struggles. Real Talk.

Hi guys!

I just wanted to say that tonight marked my final workout prior to my show on Saturday and just in the nick of time. I realize it’s peak week and therefore is supposed to be terrible, but honestly I’ve felt fantastic. Well physically at least, but i’ll get into that in a minute. I think some of that awesomeness i’ve been feeling is due to the fact that I knew this week means it all comes to an end and somehow that gave me strength and energy.

Have I hated prep? Nope. Actually it’s been fun. It’s been an adjustment, and I certainly need to figure out a way to balance a little better next time around but i’ve enjoyed the experience, seeing how strong I really am both mentally and physically, and of course the changes that have happened weekly with my body. That being said, it’s been weeks and the past little while i’ve been training twice a day and it’s exhausting. I track macros and that’s been fine BUT I need a day or 2 where I can relax, eat intuitively, sleep in, have a glass of wine and just be. So yes, i’m excited for Saturday to finally be here.

Most people would agree that prepping for a show is hard work. My colleagues always tell me i’m dedicated and yes, sure I guess I am. But there is a lot more to prepping for a show than just giving up cookies and training more. I miss days I leave work early to see a movie, weekends spent eating breakfast in bed then perusing the market with my husband, I miss my friends–quiet nights in as well as the occasional night out with wine, I miss thinking about things NOT related to prep, not having to carry around a giant back pack filled with posing shoes, change of clothes for a 2nd workout, food upon food, etc. As I mentioned I need to find a little better balance for future shows but unfortunately during the 8-10 weeks I will cut for a show it comes with sacrifices. Period. There have been times i’ve felt like a jerk, like THAT girl who loves the gym more than life or that I had to explain myself so that I don’t seem like an inconsiderate a-hole. Truth is I do not love the gym more than life, I want to do fun things, but when coach says 2nd round of cardio…I do that 2nd round of cardio.

For those of you out there who are competitors or know a competitor you have probably noticed that the longer they diet, and the longer their prep goes on they begin to have some issues with concentration, emotions, memory etc. I would love to sit here and tell you that my emotions have been GREAT–super stable, no ups and downs, and never angry but frig, I live with a man who would probably tell you the past few weeks have made me a wee bit touchy. Sorry babe. The worst part for me has not been the diet or the exercise, hell peak week isn’t even bothering me, the problem for me is my damn brain. I CAN be a little bit of a spazz as it is, but I have never struggled like this before. I misspell simple words, write bizarre phrases (like just now for instance I initially wrote I mistaken simply words) I mean what the hell is that? It’s an annoying side effect that has been plaguing me and half the time my body is fine and I don’t even REALIZE my mind is a mess.

Some days are harder than others. You should hear some of the conversations I have with people where I just stammer a long and hope they understand my broken sentences. Luckily my friends are fluent in my random dialect and have grown accustomed to my nonsense. I am not going to bother posting last night’s blog post but I actually did write one, however I clicked preview and not publish and either thought I’d clicked the correct button or forgot to go back and hit publish–who knows. I certainly don’t. If there are 150 spelling errors in this post, well…I tried. 😀

Funny ‘my life’ story: Today I tried to leave work multiple times but each time i’d get outside and realize I forgot something at my desk. The last time I had to go back inside was because I left something upstairs THAT I HAD WITH ME THE OTHER 2 TIMES but forgot upstairs this time because I went back for forgotten item #2. Ladies and gents, the struggle is real.

Prep hasn’t been terrible, but I will recap more post comp and although i’ve been dealing with the focus and memory issues my emotions have not been THAT bad. I have been quicker to get annoyed and it’s more intense. For instance when people cut me off walking and then walk super slow but block the sidewalk/aisle so you can’t get past them, or super loud chewers–they’ve always annoyed me but now I find myself becoming enraged. Luckily I am usually able to breathe through it and move a long.

Well, as i’ve mentioned I finished my last workout which is nice but I still have things to do so tomorrow i’ll rest but certainly take time to run last minute errands, pick up any items i’m missing, and of course practice my posing. As a matter of fact, i’m going to the gym at my usual 6am time to practice IN MY BIKINI. I feel silly but i’m a little nervous, not because i’ll have a bikini on per say but because i’ll be in my safe place yet feeling out of place. I’ve heard the ‘if you can’t do it in front of people at the gym’ speech a ton of times, and that’s not it at all. I can strip down and do my poses no problem, it’s that on comp day EVERYONE is in a bikini and it’s what you’re supposed to do. Most people at the gym see me looking a mess and now well they’re going to see my ass…Oh well. Putting my stupid insecurity behind me and rocking the hell out of my suit and t-walk tomorrow. I train without hesitation, eat my cold asparagus where the situation arises, I even pose between sets sometimes when I want to work on an angle, so this is the same thing–just another NECESSARY part of training. 😀

I’ll let you know how it goes. Until then, be well friends.

Good nite!


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